We skipped a season of basketball because we went to Michigan and the most amazing thing happened. While we were gone, the league decided to stop keeping score!!!! Can you believe that? There are no scores now at the games. I kept looking at the scoreboard because my kids ROCKED THE COURT, yet there were no scores. I finally asked someone.
"Is the scoreboard broken?"
"Oh, no. We don't keep score anymore for this age group."
Sarah scored three baskets. She is the best boy on the entire team. I was so proud of her I almost passed out. Austin got his very first basket ever in a game. You should have seen the look on his face. It was total satisfaction and achievement. Day after day after day in our driveway has paid off. Gregory made two baskets also. We lost nearly every game last time and we FINALLY get on a winning team and they stopped keeping score.
I'll bring a goddamn clipboard and keep score myself, then I'll hold it up and show all the losers that we are kicking their butts. I'm being dead serious when I say, why even have games then? Why not just run around and go directly to snack time?
I blame this on Pinterest.
I'm telling you, I know I'm sounding like a geriatric, but I fear for this generation of kids. This is the first generation of kids growing up with parents who were raised in the Self Esteem Movement. I can barely talk to people under 30 without "hurting their feelings", so I can only imagine how messed up this next generation will be when you can't keep score at games for fear of exluding someone.
I've got news for you. Some of you suck at sports. Nobody ever told you because they didn't want to hurt your feelings, so when you weren't drafted into the NBA, you turned to drugs to take away the disappointment that you are a failure at basketball.
But you are special. You are a special flower, just like your parents. Now open up that gift bag and get that snack, Billy. This is your special day. You lost and WE WON. Okay? I'm keeping score.
love you!!!
ReplyDeleteNot being from the US I love reading your blog as it gives me an insight on how things work in your country. Love your parenting style and your opinions on school and politics.
ReplyDeleteBeing from a country where I didn’t get grades in school until 8th grade because they were regarded as more harmful than useful, something that has been lowered in recent years as the right wing government tries to come up with ways to make school result better while at the same time lowering funding, and were the development in sports is that more and more clubs from an earlier age divide the kids in different teams or groups based on how good they are I found it quite liberating to see a step in the other direction. Just wondering how the kids liked it to play without keeping score? It seems that S, G and A had a pretty good idea that they were good anyway and that they were proud of them self for improving their score without regardless of the total scoring.
Kerstin- they were keeping score. LOL! They knew they won. Now..... had it been a close game, they might have questioned whether they won.
ReplyDeleteYou complete me
ReplyDeleteI'm with you on the snack bags, that is just nuts. However I can see the benefit of not keeping score. In my mind it's not about self-esteem or about everybody feeling like a winner, it's about changing the focus and purpose of the activity.
ReplyDeleteIf the purpose of the game is to win, then coaches should play the best players more often. The kids should pass to the best players more often, and the kids who suck should be on the bench or in the background. That is the way to win games and if you are really trying to win games, that is what you should do. If you don't do this - say you play all the kids equally - then you aren't really trying to win. But the effect of this is that the kids who are already good at the game get better and the kids who are not already good at the game get worse. They sit on the bench, they don't develop their skills, their teammates are angry at them for messing up, and they eventually learn to hate the sport, stop playing, and go home and sit on the couch getting fat and playing video games.
But if the purpose of the game is to develop skills and have fun, then coaches should play all the kids equally. There should be a bigger focus on skill building through warmups, drills, and fun mini-games. And everybody should get lots of chances to handle the ball, whether they suck or not. And the effect of this is that the kids who are already good get better, and the kids who are not already good also get better. And everybody gets some exercise and goes home with rosy cheeks and sleeps well that night.
So I don't think it has to be about self esteem. Kids who suck pretty much know they suck and I don't think we have to make extra efforts to prove it to them. I also don't think we need to blow sunshine up their butts and tell them some crap about 'everybody is a winner'. Instead we should be focusing on skill building, teamwork, and exercise. These things can benefit everybody, no matter what level of skill they started off with.
My kids play hockey, and at the youngest age groups, they don't keep score. Some kids really don't care if they won or lost. But the ones that do care are keeping score in their heads. They know if they won or lost. Maybe this is good for memory and mental math skills?
ReplyDeletelb- they have classes for children who want to learn basketball skills. It's actually called, "Basketball skills". We took it before we joined the league. During Basketball skills, we learned that Amanda is just not going to be interested in basketball. She's not good at it and she doesn't enjoy it. No amount of sitting on the bench is going to change her mind. That's why she didn't join the league. If you are going to join a league and play games, you should expect to learn about competition. The whole point of going to practice and playing against other teams is to win games. If not, take the basketball class. It's not about competition then. It's about learning how to dribble and shoot.
ReplyDeleteI wish in our district they did not keep score. Fortunately for you, you do not have kids with issues or special needs kids that have exception basketball skills yet have issues with the scoring. I think it's mostly about having the kids keep a positive attitude and to keep trying. Maybe Amanda knows she doesn't like it and isn't good at it. But for one of her, there are 100 kids who love to play but aren't great at it but want to keep trying and not give up - maybe they will get better! Wait til middle school and particularly high school. They don't make the team if they aren't good enough. I think, as a society, we need to foster some of these kids who aren't "great" at the sport right away. Thankfully yours are great at it now. But there are others who actually want to play and put the work into it but need some additional support. Now, the giftbag... stupid. They really don't even need a snack!! Give em a water!!!
ReplyDeleteWelcome to the new America where everyone is equal and if we aren't, then someone will make us be equal.
ReplyDeleteFrightening, really.
Well I don't believe we're doing kids any favors to make them think they are good at something when they aren't. We can't all be good at everything. I, for one, suck at sports. I did other things. I was in cheer and student council. I was good at those things. Some kids might be better at band or chess or theater or art or dance. We can't stop keeping score to make everybody feel good about themselves. Disappointment is part of life and how you overcome that disappointment sets you up for success. We lost all last season and my kids were not that great. They practiced and got better. And they are older now, as well. Keeping score did not make them want to stop playing. It made them want to get better. Competition is good for kids and taking away competition so everyone is equal is a huge fail in my book. And, yes, someday they'll try out for teams and they might not make it. Will it be disappointing? Obviously. Should they make it anyway? No. Do I hope they make every team they ever try out for? Of course. Will they? Likely not. They also won't get hired at every job they want. Small disappointments NOW teach you how to handle bigger disappointment down the line.
ReplyDeleteI was seriously traumatized in school and nobody wanted me on their team because I couldn't even find the damn ball. It wasn't until 7th grade that they came through and tested vision and found out that I was almost legally blind in my left eye. I had no depth perception at all! Still don't. It never dawned on anybody at the school to suggest that I be tested by an optometrist.
ReplyDeleteSomething else that has also been bugging me this year is this: now that my kids are at the junior high school (but technically it is "high school sports"), they don't have to get anywhere near decent grades to be able to be on all the sports teams.
ReplyDeleteI forget what the required GPA is, but basically you can have "up to one F" and still be on the teams. You can have ALL D's.........AND one F.........and still play as many sports as you can shove in.
The sports main-guy said, basically (without coming out and actually *saying* it), that since they can get the funding, acknowledgment, etc., from the SPORTS and not the academics-----that this assures pretty much everyone will get "let in."
My kids knew I was appalled. In our house, you have to get A's and B's in order to do the sports. I figure that if you're not, there is some sort of school work that you should be working on to raise your grade, not spending 4 hours a night playing sports and then coming home too tired to do your homework.
Yes, I know there are lots and lots of kids that suck at school. In fact, I have one of them. But she does want to do spring track this year, and is working her hiney off to get those A's and B's so that she can.
I feel like deleting this, because I know that lots of people wouldn't agree with me (seriously, I know how important sports and physical activity are); but I'm gonna leave it since I still feel so strongly against allowing the kids (granted, mine are older now) get shitty grades and still do all the after-school stuff.
*Sigh*
Elizabeth :-)
Elizabeth- you won't hear any complaints from me. I flat out told Gregory he needed to improve his writing or he could not be absent to go on the traveling team for jump rope. I just got their monthly progress reports and he has brought it up to a B.
ReplyDelete@Elizabeth -- that is really shocking! In my area a kid needs to have a 2.0 GPA to play (C-average). Our Athletic Director is very strict about it, but will work with kids to help them maintain a 2.0 if they are struggling. He'll find tutors and get them extra help, but they won't step one foot on the field or court without the required GPA. He was an attorney before this, but decided he really wanted to help kids and now he's a history teacher and the athletic director. When he first came in, some parents and kids flipped out, but now everyone is on the same page.
ReplyDeleteAlso, I can't imagine playing sports and not keeping score. Some of those kids will have a rude awakening when they reach the age where they have to try-out for a team and get a cut. The "everyone gets a trophy" and "everyone is great at everything" mentality is so wrong. There should be grades in school and scores in sports.
Well, no matter what the TEAM or LEAGUE does, you can BET that most of the kids and parents are "keeping score" in their own way. But I hear ya, it sucks. It's like in pee wee baseball, not having any "outs" - how are they supposed to understand the game?????
ReplyDeleteThat's why I like competitive swimming. Either you improved your own time, or you didn't.
I am with you on this one! I shudder to see what happens to this generation when they enter the workforce. If they don't get the job/promtion/bonus will they get a gift bag for a consultation prize??? I know my kids will be running circles around them because in my family you win, you lose, you are good & sometimes you stink! Just like the "real" world or what it used to be :0)
ReplyDeleteOh, and SNACK. Can I just complain about SNACK for a minute? My kiddos were in middle school and doing league sports and the parents were STILL organizing %$&* SNACK. Every season, I'd say, "Um, don't you think they're getting a little OLD for SNACK?" and I'd get all these helicopter mommies glaring at me.
ReplyDeleteSometimes, that is the only time the kids RAN, was when it was time to get SNACK.
One time, I received a pointed reminder from the Team Mom about SNACK. I FAKED a reply that I "forwarded" to my husband that said "Thanks SO much for the reminder about SNACK. I've just purchased two cases of Red Bull and made giant chocolate cupcakes with 3" of frosting on them. Better line your mini van w/ plastic."
My husband about had a coronary, thinking it was REAL, LOL.
I can't even talk about the snacks because I start hyperventilating from anger.
ReplyDeleteI have one of those kids who sucks but he loves to play. He practices and practices and hasn't gotten any better, but he loves it, so he chooses to play. We do Upward basketball where everyone gets to play equally. They do keep score and are very competitive, but everyone gets the same shot at playing. When he ages out of this in a few years and the only option left is to try out at school, he will be done unless he seriously improves. But he tries his best, has a blast and is getting a great workout.
ReplyDeleteI do think they should keep score, but I also appreciate that each kid is treated equally (our city league does the same). There is simply no need to treat kids' leagues like the World Series.
Now, I am totally with you on snack!
They all get to play!!! Half go on, then the other half go on.
ReplyDeleteI can't stand those people. I am 31. I barely missed that movement. My kids learn there are winners and losers, and crying about it won't change the fact that you lost. The End. Perhaps this is why ALL of my friends are older than me.
ReplyDeleteFavorite post ever!! Here's to the most entitled, narcissitic generation ever. May they not implode.
ReplyDeleteI don't have kids, but I work with a bunch of under 30s, and wow, the sense of entitlement and lack of accountability is shocking. Does this whole sports thing feed into it? Because it certainly seems like it might.
ReplyDeleteI have one employee who is upset that I keep correcting her work and pointing out her mistakes. Um, that's my job. If you're a professional writer who doesn't know how to spell and/or is too lazy or careless to use spell check, you really shouldn't be upset that your manager edits your work before sending it to a client. Maybe I should start providing a snack at the office? Let me just check Pinterest for ideas...
Our 3rd grade basketball league doesn't keep score either. So I downloaded a free scorekeeping app on my phone and keep my own score.
ReplyDeleteAnd thankfully we're finally on a team that doesn't do snacks!
Our kids did soccer when they were 4, and now they do dance and karate and swim. We will start organized sports again this spring, I'm sure. Or maybe in the fall. I have one who is such a bad loser. Even when he was a toddler he would have a meltdown if he missed a kick (when he was playing by himself, mind you). We've been working on this for 6 years now. If you are going to have a meltdown when you lose, you'll have to go meltdown somewhere else. Saturday Adam was letting them play FIFA soccer on the play station with him. They have played video games maybe 5 times in their lives. When my son lost, he went berserk. My response was, "I have 3 words for you. Get. Over. It. You lost. Daddy won. The whole point was to have fun playing it and do your best." He isn't allowed to play for a while and then he can try again.
ReplyDeleteHe's actually been doing a lot better lately. They got an air hockey table for Christmas (which we got for $17 at an after Christmas sale 2 years ago, thank you!), and we keep score. Even when they play us. And we don't go easy on them. We are adults, we've played this game a lot. Of COURSE we are better. And playing against us will make them...get better. And he has been doing pretty well about losing gracefully most of the time. One day he was losing to me, so mid-game he said he wanted to play my dad, who was visiting. I said, "This is going to be a quick game." After they started kimball asked, "Are old people good at air hockey?" When my dad finished him off without mercy my dad asked, "So what do you think Kimball, are old people good at air hockey?" It was really funny.
As for snacks, around here they don't even disguise it with that word. Around here they call them what they are: treats. And they live up to their name. Full on birthday party sugared up cupcakes, cookies and candy bags. It is disgusting. My kids get a treat (I detest that word in ways you will never know) after EVERY dance and karate class. In this case it's candy. Last Wednesday they got a full size candy cane. Each. At school they get green cards for good behavior and get to turn it in for a treat (candy or Froot Loops). How about stickers? Stickers don't make anyone fat. Or a pencil. Or a cheap notepad. Or a bouncy ball. I'll provide them. Just stop sugaring up my kids and filling their bodies with processed garbage! Gah! This is making my blood pressure go up. I have to stop typing and go do something else before my eyeballs burst..
It's quite simple really, in my opinion: Yes, you (a kid) ARE special. There IS something out there you are good at, something YOU are better than others at. This means also, of course, that there are things you *aren't* good at and things others are better than YOU at. I've always thought it's very important (especially when there are siblings rather than an only child) to make sure that each child has something they can feel they are good at or better at (especially if one child often feels "behind" the others, I think it's very important to make sure the "behind" child has things they can feel better at). That said, it's also important to make sure that a kid understands they aren't the best at everything and they never will be. Maybe you suck at sports and are great at math. Or maybe your suck at math and are great at reading. Or swimming. Or (insert item here). It's all, IMHO, about acknowledging that people are different from one another and one person might be great at something and another person suck at it, but that that doesn't make one person a more valuable member **of the human race** than the other person; just a better basketball/etc player. :)
ReplyDelete